What they say, and what they mean

When I’m feeling really cross about how hard this all is, one way I entertain myself is by thinking of all the funny things I was told when I first came to view my boat. Here are a few of them.

What the previous owner said

What I think he must’ve meant

I’ve sealed all the windows
The windows leak. I’ve smeared some sealant around them but it hasn’t really worked, there’s moss growing inside and when it rains water comes pouring in.
The engine works fine
The engine overheats and conks out if you go further than four miles.
“Nearly finished narrowboat project”
We put some scented candles around to make it look like home, but there’s no gas, water, electricity or heating as this would make it fail the safety test.
The only thing I haven’t done really is the shower
Do not look in there. Seriously, do not look in there. Also, I haven’t emptied the toilet.